For some reason I found myself right back at that damned god forsaken piece of land known as Alkali. The dam was gone except a small jagged piece of it peeking through the surface. I knew the horrors that lay well below the surface. The lab, hell that pain seemed like a piece of cake compaired to the shit I'd gone through more recently.
I've driven across the country, stopped in a few states and then his Canada. Every town there was a bar, a couple fights and a bed with a warm body. Never remembered their names, just made sure they didn't look like her. No pale skin, no dark hair. That was my rules. I wouldn't imagine her, I wouldn't mistakenly see her just because of some miniscule resemblance.
Thank god they never wanted to cuddle afterwards, probably because I got a little too rough and they wanted to just get the hell away from me afterwards. To be honest, I didn't give a damn, still don't. It wasn't even the Wolverine, it was still me. Logan. Just a darker, brooding side of me. I didn't feel anything anymore. Just the desire to inflict pain to numb my own.
It'd dwindled down to a dull ache from the agonizing, seering pain that went through my entire body before. I wasn't haunted by her everytime I slept anymore. But that's probably because I don't sleep.
One night kept going through my head though. When she found me after what I'd done to myself. How I wish I wouldn't of done that. Still had a few scars from it. Guess it was too much for my healing factor to handle. Fuck, I ripped myself to shreds. How I wish she hadn't found me.
The days don't make sense anymore, time has no real meaning, on day just leaks into the next. Don't know how long it's been since I left, since I saw her face. I try to convince myself I've forgotten about her, can't remember the sound of her voice, how her hands felt on me, the sound of her laugh. But it's all a lie. I remember every single damned thing. No matter how hard I try not to. Can't say how many times I've prayed for another bout of amnesia.
She's better off without me. I'm a moody son of a bitch and hell I probably wouldn't of stayed faithful. It's just not in my nature. Least that's what I keep telling myself to make it through. Mystique would have a helluva time with me right now. I don't even want to think about it.
Finally I stop, not sure where the hell I am, snow's starting to fall outside. I roll the cigar betweem my lips around with my tongue. Closing my eyes I rest my head against the steering wheel. Outside I can hear wolves howling, it would annoy most people, but it was music to my ears.
To live like that again, no human feelings, just sheer animal instincts to go on, it'd be nice. But even in the wild, something sooner or later would remind me of her and it'd start all over again. I needed to let her go, for the sake of my own sanity.
After what seemed like hours when in reality it was only moments I sat back up, put the truck in gear and started to drive. I had one destination. The airport. To get as far as fucking possible away from everyone and everything I knew. I'd had memories of Japan, maybe I'd go there. Anything had to be better than this.